WTF – Sarah Palin “Going Rogue”?!?!
Top aides in the McCain camp expressed frustration at what they perceived to be Sarah Palin “going rogue.” In recent appearances, Palin has been off-message, or freestyling, if you will.
So . . . what you’re telling me is that the person you picked for being “maverick-y” has now gone maverick, and you’re mad about it. Really?
Perhaps had Palin actually been vetted by the McCain campaign, they could have better anticipated that their witless VP pick was going to be primarily interested in her own success.
The best quote from the imploding campaign:
“Her lack of fundamental understanding of some key issues was dramatic,” said another McCain source with direct knowledge of the process to prepare Palin after she was picked. The source said it was probably the “hardest” to get her “up to speed than any candidate in history.”
Friday Musing of No Importance
I am sitting in a coffee shop, hot and partially drunk on fake champagne, thinking how miserably warm it is outside, which any reasonable person knows is a ridiculous thing to complain about in October, when the rest of the country (real America?) is getting colder by the day. But I am not reasonable. Most people are not reasonable. We are reactive, subject to short-term thinking.
My mom said the other day that she was thinking about not voting for McCain anymore because she was disappointed in Sarah Palin’s appearance on SNL. While we may disagree on a number of issues, including that I think that the only redemptive thing Sarah Palin has done is appear on SNL, it is a pretty bad reason to not vote for someone. And a human one, since we are often fickle.
Guilt by Association, or Why Conservatives are Stupid
I’ve heard many conservatives wonder why liberals assume they are stupid. The answer, to borrow a move from the Republican playbook, is guilt by association. The conservative base is comprised of the dumbest citizens of this fine nation (you know, the evangelicals). The fact that Republican candidates all pander to these fools, and hold up their yet-to-be defined “small town values” as being more “pro-American” really shows the depths to which the party has plummeted.
Perhaps there are conservative intellectuals out there, though I’m still not sure that’s not an oxymoron. (To be fair, I am newly in love Kathleen Parker and Christopher Buckley). I don’t know who they are because a) I am a liberal, and b) all the conservatives that get airtime are assbags. Limbaugh, O’Reilley, Couture, Hannity – these are the douchenozzles I associate with the mainstream right. These are not people that I would want to represent me in any way.(To be fair, I don’t exactly want to be affiliated with Keith Oberman either).
When I’m not in the grips of total rage or crippling fear, I actually pity conservatives. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a fiscal conservative, or a libertarian for that matter, and have to be lumped in with the Jesus freaks and hicks. In fact, if I were a fiscal conservative, I would demand that the leaders that are supposed to represent me stop using social issues to manipulate DUMB people, and actually create small government. But since that will never happen, I would keep my fucking mouth shut and vote McCain in silence, in deep fear that my smart friends will find out and think I’m retarded.
As a liberal, the craziest people I get lumped in with are tree huggers. Due to my proximity to Berkeley, I’ve seen these people crying over trees on TV, and they’re downright adorable compared to the racist assholes screaming at Palin rallies. I’ll take latte-sipping over lynching any day. So, to all those conservatives out there who wonder why liberals think you’re idiots (and if you’re wondering, you’re clearly not an evangelical), you’re simply guilty of being connected to the worst this country has to offer.
Hypocrisy Democracy?
One of the most loathsome groups in America are the social conservatives. I think they are sheep that should be brought to slaughter. Short of that, they should be rounded up and dropped off in some red state, where they could all live together in an M. Night Shyamalan-like 1800s society.
Among the many reasons I hate the social conservatives is their hypocrisy. The group of folks who say it’s unpatriotic to question your government’s actions in war are the same who think they have a right to say that women shouldn’t have a choice and that homosexuals shouldn’t marry. The same people who blindly believe that our government is spreading freedom and democracy abroad want to limit personal freedoms at home. The social conservatives care about protecting gun rights, but not freedom of speech.
I’m reminded of the scene from Religulous, when a young evangelical protester says with total sincerity, “I don’t hate gays. God hate gays.” For her, there is no contradiction in holding both the belief in an all-loving, all-forgiving God while also believing that God hates whole groups of people.
There is not room in 2008 America for people who are against the founding values of our country – liberty, freedom, and tolerance. It’s time to take back our country from those who are anti-choice, anti-gay marriage, anti-education, anti-science, anti-technology, and anti-intellectualism, and who support politicians that want to limit everyones’ rights.
It’s time for rational, intelligent people to wield their power.
Election Depression
If the APA doesn’t already have “election depression” listed as a psychological disorder, then 2008 may finally be the year for it to hit the books. I seriously have become increasingly more depressed and anxious over the course of the last 3-4 weeks, with symptoms including mood swings, bouts of crying, fits of anger, an inability to cope with basic difficulties, and a general sense of hopelessness. The cause: the presidential election.
So how does the election cause depression exactly? When I’m not contemplating homicide or suicide, this is what I conclude:
Sarah Palin. I get it; she was picked for the VP slot to energize the conservative base and polarize the electorate. It’s one of the few times “Mission Accomplished” would be appropriate from the Republicans. This woman makes me want to spoon out my ovaries and cut off my breasts. She is an embarrassment to women in leadership roles and she is an idiot. Which I guess makes her a great representative for social conservatives. The very thought that this twat could become president “without blinking” is horrifying on a visceral level. While morons everywhere are championing her, I know I am not the only one who is plagued by nightmares of what she is (in)capable of doing.
24-hour News Cycles. Seriously, this might be the worst thing that happened to us as a culture. Stephen Colbert said it best: “There’s the same amount [of news] from when it was just Cronkite. And the easiest way to fill it is to have someone’s opinion on it. Then you have an opposite opinion, and then you have a mishmash of fact and opinion, and you leave it the least informed you can possibly be.” The news offers very little in terms of substance and fact, and is instead bloated with bombastic sensationalism. And yet, I find myself addicted to it; like a crack-addict I check the headlines every fifteen minutes to read about the new smear tactic Sarah Palin is employing. My mom called me from work the other day to ask me what she was missing on the news, as if getting through an 8-hour shift of taking care of people was impossible without that fix.
Anti-intellectualism. We are a culture that worships mediocrity and stupidity. Our best litmus test for who we want to lead us is who we’d rather have a beer with. Not the leader who would be the most rational, pragmatic, and thoughtful leader, no. But the leader who talks to “me,” Joe-six-pack, or “me,” the hockey mom. The economic crisis and the election have illuminated the inadequacies of our leaders and the idiocy of the electorate. At a time when it feels like the world is falling apart, people are more interested in lipstick lines and who’s friends with who than what the candidates are proposing to do. Further, if you examine the causes of our current problems, question the current administration, or in any way suggest that there is room for improvement, then you are unpatriotic, or even possibly a terrorist. That sort of authoritarian thinking is more consistent with dictatorships and communist regimes. Democracies are designed so that the people can question government; it is unpatriotic to be an ignorant, complacent sheep.
And ultimately it is this failure of citizens to be informed, intelligent, curious, and demanding that is depressing; without freethinking and rationalism there is no hope for us, present or future. Even if Obama wins (praise be to Jesus!), about 49% of the population will still be moronic. And I’ll still be anxious about what our future holds.
The Republican’s Last Supper
Top republicans attend the Last Supper
Last Thursday, top republicans attended what will be the Last Supper before the November 4th elections. Holy spirits were high as the old regime passed the torch to presidential nominee John McCain and the party savior Sarah Palin (aka – succubus).
Attendees were served moose mousse to start, followed by a main course of roasted albatross and grilled polar bear. The hall was sparsely decorated, with only an ice sculpture of Jesus waving the American flag, carved from a piece of the Arctic ice shelf that broke off last week, way in advance of scientists’ worst predictions.
Sarah Palin opened the evening with prayer, asking God for the Rapture, death to black people, and more off-shore drilling, in no particular order of preference. In lieu of the ritualistic cleansing of the feet, the Republicans agreed instead to a “cleansing” of Palin’s record, absolving her of any wrongdoing and grossly exaggerating her qualifications.
The only awkward moment of the evening was when Rick “I hate gays” Santorum found that he was seated next to Larry “I blow dudes in bathrooms” Craig and Mark “NAMBLA” Foley. The tension was smoothed over, however, when all three men agreed that abortion is the worse of two evils, and then shared a good laugh over the inferiority of women.
During the meal, Palin had a revelation and announced to the group, “You will betray me.” The group of old, white men feigned horror at the announcement. However, after the meal, Guiliani said, “You know, I was really surprised that dumb broad figured out that we were using her. I mean, she’s a hockey mom from Alaska – not exactly the brightest person.”
During dessert, a candlelight vigil was held for 9/11. No, not the victims of 9/11, but the actual event. All attendees were silent as a slideshow of the planes hitting the towers was played over and over to the tune of “Barracuda.” The festivities closed with a toast, when the group clinked glasses of McCain’s blood, hoping to further drain McCain of any life so that Palin can be the next stupid president.
Leave the Liberal Media ALone!
Today I watched the SNL spoof on the McCain campaign ads that have been proven to be untrue, and the funniest part of the experience was the comments left by conservative viewers. The basic theme of their complaints was that SNL was biased in that it had made fun of every politician in this election except for Obama (which isn’t true). The conservatives in the user comments further went on to demand that SNL be “fair and balanced” in their lampooning in this election.
This is hilarious for so many reasons.
1. Entertainment shows have no obligation to be unbiased. There has been so much talk this political season about how unfair SNL is to the McCain/Succubus ticket, how The View was too tough on John and Cindy McCain, how Oprah won’t invite the Succubus on her show. And? Shows like SNL, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report are comedy shows; taking them seriously and holding them to some standard of objectivity is ridiculous. The fact that Fox News spends any time even talking about these shows reveals how little credibility the network actually has. Barbara Walters can ask any damn question she wants to guests on her show, regardless of what the soccer mom demographic watching wants. And Oprah has publicly endorsed Obama and therefore doesn’t want any other political guests on her show until after the election. Oh, and she can do whatever the fuck she wants.
2. Don’t you believe in a liberal media bias? I thought one of the fundamental beliefs of the conservative base, after the belief that they are God’s soldiers and that gays are evil, is that the media is biased towards liberals. Um, ok, so if all the media (except Fox News, which is “fair and balanced”) has a liberal bias, why are you spending any time demanding equal spoofing? If all shows like SNL fairly satirized public figures, wouldn’t that mean you wouldn’t have a soapbox to stand on when demonizing the media? How else are you going to scare your people into believing that everything they read in the paper is part of a larger liberal conspiracy if shows meet your demands and make fun of all candidates equally?
3. Demand objectivity from news outlets first. There is no public outcry that Bill O’Reilly and Tucker Carlson or Chris Matthews and Keith Oberman be more objective. But Tina Fey and Oprah? Well, they better not show a bias towards one side.
4. Exercise your rights and DON’T WATCH the shows. If a show isn’t representative of your views or lifestyle, don’t watch it. I don’t watch American Idol and then demand that they let contestants on who can’t sing because I can’t sing. I don’t harass the Spanish Channel and say that they should broadcast in English half the time to be fair. I don’t watch Fox News and expect them to say anything objective or useful. So if you don’t think it’s funny when shows make fun of John McCain, then don’t watch the show. Or get a less laughable candidate.
How The Succubus (aka – Sarah Palin) is Ruining the Election
I’ve been oscillating between rage and depression ever since the Republican National Convention. Prior to that, I really wanted Obama to win, but I didn’t think John McCain was the anti-Christ. My opinion has since changed, and no, not to vote for McCain because his running mate and I both have vaginas. I just had hoped that we were going to have a good, honest campaign, or at least one that would be better than the past two. And any possibility of that disappeared when the succubus joined the ticket.
Not that it’s all the succubus‘ fault. Yes, she’s a liar. Yes, she’s unqualified and under-educated. Yes, she has psychotic religious and social views. But the real downfall of the election is that she “fired up” the Republican base, and the Republican base=retards. Am I being stereo-typical in thinking that all of the Republican base is comprised of gun-toting, cousin-humping, God-loving, never-seen-the-ocean hicks in the the middle of the country? No. No I am not. Now, I’m not saying that there aren’t other types of Republicans, because clearly there are. There are the greedy, fat, old, rich, manipulative ones that use religion to get the stupid ones to do their bidding. These are the folks that are inspiring the rampant lying and flip-flopping from the McCain campaign, because the idiot base responds well to fear and hate-mongering.
My hatred has been stoked, as well, and I find that I can’t be rational about this. I just watched an interesting lecture on the moral makeup of liberals and conservatives that concluded with the notion that liberals and conservatives are the yin and yang to each other. Each belief system has a purpose in the development of a balanced society. I say fuck yang. There is too much at stake in our country to let the hicks decide once again, so I hope the scales tip towards the liberals. Obama ‘08.
P.S. – I’m not the only one who finds the Sarah Palin/Succubus parallels striking – see what Kris has to say.
Happiness and the Inverse Relationship
When I think back on my mid twenties, I remember being bitchy, overworked, and totally disillusioned. The hope and optimism I had coming out of college was bitch-slapped out of me after my first feeble attempt at moving to the city and trying to find a job, and certainly didn’t return after a stint of teaching (i.e. “giving back”) or in corporate education (i.e. “giving back + $$”) or in an urban school district (i.e. “if the kids don’t shoot you, the superintendent will make you shoot yourself”). But it wasn’t all dark and dismal. Ok, it was, but add to dark and dismal a few martinis, and I could be the life of the party. I was the gal co-workers could rely on for shit-talking and long lunches, the chick that had no problem discussing how she would fuck the VP of Finance during company meetings, the first lady of blacking out and doing karaoke at company functions. Sure, when I was alone, I was terribly depressed and anxious all the time, but all that could be channeled into creating this borderline self-destructive persona that was fun and liked.
But then it got old, and I got a therapist. In what could be described as my late-mid-twenties, I embarked on a personal development journey to destination: happiness. I started therapy; I worked out more; I cut back on hours at work; I applied to grad school; I wrote more. I learned a lot about myself during this time, like why I hated men and how to anticipate my intoxicated anxiety attacks and subsequent breakdowns. The sublime tension between my old self and my new recognition was fuel for much of the work I did.
Currently, my personal development cruise ship is docked as I approach my 29th birthday. The voyage isn’t over, but I’m trying to test out being on solid ground. I wrapped up therapy, finished grad school, added yoga to my workout ritual, and tried to start a business with my husband. I am happy, I am calm, I am . . . vacant. When catching up with friends, I have nothing to say. I just smile absently and say things are good. I have nothing to write about. Nothing pisses me off. What is there to talk about when you work from home and get to workout midday and eat well and sleep in. Fucking nothing, for weeks at a time. I know, boo-hoo, poor me. But the thing is I’m afraid that my bitchiness and anger was my life force, and now that it’s gone I am an empty shell, a well-balance, peaceful empty shell. For me, there is an inverse relationship between happiness and productivity.
Perfect Days I
What is wrong with the hubby moving the flatscreen into the bedroom, then curling in bed, watching four movies, and ordering pizza? Nothing. Nothing at all.
