Each of us is made up of some ratio of self-loathing and delusions of grandeur. When in the right balance, this combination helps us function as whole beings and actualize our potential. Our self-loathing propels us to do better, makes us reach out to others for approval and support, and humbles us. It gives us community and perspective. Our delusions of grandeur help us to get out of bed in the morning, tune others out, and persevere in the face of failure. I gives us confidence and purpose.

I have a number of personal examples of this ratio, but a tangible one is my body. I hate my thighs and how short my legs are. But I don’t know a single person in my life I would trade bodies with. Does that make me the hottest of my friends? No, but it certainly enables me to live in my own skin, and to get my big ass to the gym.

But what happens when the ratio gets out of whack? Too much confidence, and you lose drive and miss opportunities to learn from others. Oh, and you become a bitch. Too much self-loathing, and you let people walk all over you, and you never feel good enough to try anything.

Our sense of self fluctuates like the stock market, so you have to have a plan to develop a diversified portfolio of self-esteem. My advice:

• Buy confidence low. This means finding easy ways to feed your ego and boost your self-esteem, like buying new clothes, nurturing a harmless crush, taking up an easy hobby, talking to your mom. Whatever it is you do to make yourself feel better.
• Sell that confidence high. Use your ego boosts to do something that matters, like sell your boss on the idea you need a promotion, ask someone on a date, pursue a dream.
• Watch the fuck out for a crash. Surprises happen, and not always in a good way. Like getting laid off, or dumped, or rejected. But if you’ve got enough good things going on (the diversified part), you’ll be able to weather the bumps. Getting fired + supportive partner + casual hobby = you’ll be just fine. Unemployed + dumped + dog dies = just jump out the window.

I guess the point is that if you can’t name something you’d improve, or something you love in your life, then you’re missing out.