Friday Musing of No Importance
I am sitting in a coffee shop, hot and partially drunk on fake champagne, thinking how miserably warm it is outside, which any reasonable person knows is a ridiculous thing to complain about in October, when the rest of the country (real America?) is getting colder by the day. But I am not reasonable. Most people are not reasonable. We are reactive, subject to short-term thinking.
My mom said the other day that she was thinking about not voting for McCain anymore because she was disappointed in Sarah Palin’s appearance on SNL. While we may disagree on a number of issues, including that I think that the only redemptive thing Sarah Palin has done is appear on SNL, it is a pretty bad reason to not vote for someone. And a human one, since we are often fickle.
Guilt by Association, or Why Conservatives are Stupid
I’ve heard many conservatives wonder why liberals assume they are stupid. The answer, to borrow a move from the Republican playbook, is guilt by association. The conservative base is comprised of the dumbest citizens of this fine nation (you know, the evangelicals). The fact that Republican candidates all pander to these fools, and hold up their yet-to-be defined “small town values” as being more “pro-American” really shows the depths to which the party has plummeted.
Perhaps there are conservative intellectuals out there, though I’m still not sure that’s not an oxymoron. (To be fair, I am newly in love Kathleen Parker and Christopher Buckley). I don’t know who they are because a) I am a liberal, and b) all the conservatives that get airtime are assbags. Limbaugh, O’Reilley, Couture, Hannity – these are the douchenozzles I associate with the mainstream right. These are not people that I would want to represent me in any way.(To be fair, I don’t exactly want to be affiliated with Keith Oberman either).
When I’m not in the grips of total rage or crippling fear, I actually pity conservatives. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a fiscal conservative, or a libertarian for that matter, and have to be lumped in with the Jesus freaks and hicks. In fact, if I were a fiscal conservative, I would demand that the leaders that are supposed to represent me stop using social issues to manipulate DUMB people, and actually create small government. But since that will never happen, I would keep my fucking mouth shut and vote McCain in silence, in deep fear that my smart friends will find out and think I’m retarded.
As a liberal, the craziest people I get lumped in with are tree huggers. Due to my proximity to Berkeley, I’ve seen these people crying over trees on TV, and they’re downright adorable compared to the racist assholes screaming at Palin rallies. I’ll take latte-sipping over lynching any day. So, to all those conservatives out there who wonder why liberals think you’re idiots (and if you’re wondering, you’re clearly not an evangelical), you’re simply guilty of being connected to the worst this country has to offer.
Hypocrisy Democracy?
One of the most loathsome groups in America are the social conservatives. I think they are sheep that should be brought to slaughter. Short of that, they should be rounded up and dropped off in some red state, where they could all live together in an M. Night Shyamalan-like 1800s society.
Among the many reasons I hate the social conservatives is their hypocrisy. The group of folks who say it’s unpatriotic to question your government’s actions in war are the same who think they have a right to say that women shouldn’t have a choice and that homosexuals shouldn’t marry. The same people who blindly believe that our government is spreading freedom and democracy abroad want to limit personal freedoms at home. The social conservatives care about protecting gun rights, but not freedom of speech.
I’m reminded of the scene from Religulous, when a young evangelical protester says with total sincerity, “I don’t hate gays. God hate gays.” For her, there is no contradiction in holding both the belief in an all-loving, all-forgiving God while also believing that God hates whole groups of people.
There is not room in 2008 America for people who are against the founding values of our country – liberty, freedom, and tolerance. It’s time to take back our country from those who are anti-choice, anti-gay marriage, anti-education, anti-science, anti-technology, and anti-intellectualism, and who support politicians that want to limit everyones’ rights.
It’s time for rational, intelligent people to wield their power.
Leave the Liberal Media ALone!
Today I watched the SNL spoof on the McCain campaign ads that have been proven to be untrue, and the funniest part of the experience was the comments left by conservative viewers. The basic theme of their complaints was that SNL was biased in that it had made fun of every politician in this election except for Obama (which isn’t true). The conservatives in the user comments further went on to demand that SNL be “fair and balanced” in their lampooning in this election.
This is hilarious for so many reasons.
1. Entertainment shows have no obligation to be unbiased. There has been so much talk this political season about how unfair SNL is to the McCain/Succubus ticket, how The View was too tough on John and Cindy McCain, how Oprah won’t invite the Succubus on her show. And? Shows like SNL, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report are comedy shows; taking them seriously and holding them to some standard of objectivity is ridiculous. The fact that Fox News spends any time even talking about these shows reveals how little credibility the network actually has. Barbara Walters can ask any damn question she wants to guests on her show, regardless of what the soccer mom demographic watching wants. And Oprah has publicly endorsed Obama and therefore doesn’t want any other political guests on her show until after the election. Oh, and she can do whatever the fuck she wants.
2. Don’t you believe in a liberal media bias? I thought one of the fundamental beliefs of the conservative base, after the belief that they are God’s soldiers and that gays are evil, is that the media is biased towards liberals. Um, ok, so if all the media (except Fox News, which is “fair and balanced”) has a liberal bias, why are you spending any time demanding equal spoofing? If all shows like SNL fairly satirized public figures, wouldn’t that mean you wouldn’t have a soapbox to stand on when demonizing the media? How else are you going to scare your people into believing that everything they read in the paper is part of a larger liberal conspiracy if shows meet your demands and make fun of all candidates equally?
3. Demand objectivity from news outlets first. There is no public outcry that Bill O’Reilly and Tucker Carlson or Chris Matthews and Keith Oberman be more objective. But Tina Fey and Oprah? Well, they better not show a bias towards one side.
4. Exercise your rights and DON’T WATCH the shows. If a show isn’t representative of your views or lifestyle, don’t watch it. I don’t watch American Idol and then demand that they let contestants on who can’t sing because I can’t sing. I don’t harass the Spanish Channel and say that they should broadcast in English half the time to be fair. I don’t watch Fox News and expect them to say anything objective or useful. So if you don’t think it’s funny when shows make fun of John McCain, then don’t watch the show. Or get a less laughable candidate.
Act Individually
I like the phrase “Think Globally, Act Locally.” I’d like to coin a new one: “Think Collectively, Act Individually.” I’ve been thinking about this because I’ve had a bit of guilt around my lifestyle lately. I’m fortunate enough to work from home, and thus have had a lot of time for personal development. Over the past two years, i did a year of therapy, finished grad school, and have been running and practicing yoga. It’s great to be able to workout everyday, to be selective about what I eat during the day, to be able to write when I want (which, turns out, is not that often). I’ve been really happy and motivated most of the time. But, like all good anxious ex-Christians, I feel guilty about enjoying my life this way.
In the past, I have taken on more noble endeavors. I have been an inner-city high school teacher. I have worked in inner-city school districts. These careers did not bring me joy or satisfaction. In fact, I spent most of the time feeling like I could never be successful or fulfill my potential or have an impact in these environments. There was just too much chaos and widespread systematic failure to make change. Yet, these choices felt more honorable, less selfish.
My current path, conversely, is deeply satisfying personally and professionally. While in other work environments I spent most of my time working on looking productive and together and organized, working for myself forces me to face my own shortcomings and be accountable to myself and my potential. I no longer spend most of my time comparing myself to colleagues, and instead have to focus on my own skills and progress. I also have a lot of freedom to do things I want with my time. And while this choice may not be an benevolent as other career choices I’ve made, I feel less discouraged, depressed, and hopeless than I have before.
I don’t think my current lifestyle is having a direct positive impact on society, but I also find that my outlook and perspective hasn’t much changed. I still deeply believe in access to education and equality. I am happy to be in a higher tax bracket and pay more for services to others. At the core, I believe in social responsibility and am happy to share any kind of wealth, monetary or otherwise, with others. I just don’t want to directly provide services any longer. And I’m starting to see that there are benefits to me developing personally.
I’m trying to be ok with working on myself for awhile. Maybe forever. So I’m going to act for myself to actualize my potential and achieve my goals, but always think of others and give what I can and make choices that have the least negative impact on the world. Right now, that seems like the most responsible thing to do.
Got Game?
I’m seriously concerned that I’ve forgotten how to flirt. I’ve been married now for almost three years, and being out of the game has definitely had a negative effect on my skills. Now, I’m not sure that I had amazing skills in the first place, but a remotely attractive female doesn’t really need to to get attention from guys. Really, I’ve just stopped paying attention.
Case in point: dude at coffeeshop. There is this adorable curly-haired blond that pours my coffee in the early morning. We’ve flirted for the past nine months. And by flirt, I really just mean get nervous around each other. I don’t know if it’s the sunny weather or my cute green t-shirt, but this morning he took it to the next level. He walked by me, patted my arm, and said, “how are you today?” I was so taken aback by this new move that I just crapped my pants in response.
Ok, I didn’t really. But I certainly didn’t take advantage of the window of opportunity he opened (I’m hoping that he likes me for my ridiculous nervousness). What would I have to gain for nurturing this flirtation even though I’m married? Anyone asking that question is retarded. A morning flirt is just the thing needed to energize you and boost your confidence for the whole day. I stand to gain much from this relationship.
Further, I don’t have anything to lose. I’m MARRIED, so I already have someone who loves me and all that crap. So how is it possible that I’m nervous around coffeeshop dude, who is probably five years younger than me, when really if I were rejected, it doesn’t matter?
I can only conclude that I’m rusty. Terribly out of practice. So I’m going to start practicing my game. Maybe I’ll even start dating. I’m gonna get my flirt on.
Hot for Hipsters in Sheep’s Clothes
“Bless me father for I have sinned. It’s been four and half months since my last cut and color.”
This confession ran through my head this morning on the train, while I, unkempt and overgrown, sat across from a dead-sexy man on my way to the salon. Over the past four months, more has changed than the length and root color of my hair. I started working from home, which partly justifies my shagginess and overall lowered interest in my appearance. But across from this hot man in motorcycle boots, I suddenly regretted my new look.
This remorse only intensified when I got out at my stop downtown. It’s been awhile since my daily trek to the financial district for work, and as I walked to the cute little neighborhood of South Park, I encountered more hot people on their lunch breaks. It’s not that I don’t see any hot booty in my neighborhood. It’s just that I live in the Mission District, where the hipsters gather to be condescending and makeout. Historically, I’ve been into the hipster look, but lately I’m getting bored with the skinny-jeaned, greasy-haired underemployed types. But you know what is hot? Take that same skinny, scruffy hipster, put him in a button down and dress pants, and give him a job at a techie startup downtown. That’s the kind of eye candy that gets me hot on the way to get my haircut.
Go Ahead – Google Yourself
As I venture to start an online business with my husband, I am becoming more aware of, and concerned about, my identity online. I started thinking about this because I have another blog with a photographer friend of mine with my name all over it. I just wrote a silly list of my funniest mistakes in my sex life, which I think would be perfect for the blog, except that I don’t really want someone doing a Google search on my name to come across a post on how cute my clit is. Published writers can talk about their clits and get away with it. The rest of us are just sluts with day jobs. So it’s time to consider my virtual persona.
The first step is to fix any potential negative representations floating in cyberspace. For example, my drunk photos on MySpace are not exactly good pre-interview material. And I guess I shouldn’t add the cute photocopy guy from work to my LinkedIn profile. While adorable, he might not be the best person to get a cold call from a hiring manager. It’s time for some housecleaning of my social networking and blog profiles.
The next step is to craft a public personality for all to see. One blogger uses the same photo for all her profiles to create consistency and to enable her readers to identify her in different spaces. Note to self: contact photographer friend before taking this step. There are a number of good suggestions available, so I’m going to be experimenting over the coming months.
All this seems to be a lot of work when I’d rather be totally anonymous or truly authentic, but it’s hard to hide from Google. It’s just better to put on a good face.
It’s Not “Sex in the City” Anymore . . .
I’m a late-twenties married woman who’s been feeling old and lonely lately. Why? Because I’m starting to lose my single friends to insanity and my coupled friends to conformity.
Let’s start with my single friends. While the crazy comes in all kinds of forms, one thing is consistent – single women in their late-twenties and early thirties are scary. One of the classic archetypes is the whiskey-drinking, sharp-tongued party girl who is “focused on her career” and “doesn’t want a boyfriend.” And to prove it, she fucks married men, and really anyone else for that matter. While some see this as empowered sexuality and all that crap, what they tend to not see is the late night tears and drama when that brave persona disappears as she faces going home alone. The other version of the single woman is the one with such naked desperation for a boyfriend that she thinks she’s in love with every man she meets. Had a chat with a guy at the coffee shop? She’s at home knitting him socks, going on and on about how he’s different. I understand that relationships make people crazy, but it does put a strain on friendship when every conversation is focused on her boyfriend-du-jour, and that your input is not welcome because you’re “married” and “wouldn’t understand.”
Not that my friends with spouses are baskets of fun, either. I get together with my “married” friends about 3 times a year, because that seems to be the amount of time we can rip ourselves away from our husbands. The conversations are fun, full of shared stories of the trials of living with men. You know how annoying it is when he leaves whiskers on the bathroom sink? Your husband grabs your friends’ boobs too? (OK, admittedly, I haven’t found anyone who shares this with me yet). Every get together ends with, “Oh my god, this was so fun. We have to have a girl’s night!” Great, right? Yeah, except that in order to make girl’s night happen, planners are retrieved, dates scrutinized, husband’s needs weighed, until girl’s night is 3 weeks away, from 6-8, because they already have plans to see some new movie on release night. Any girl’s night that requires an Outlook invite and a month’s planning really seems to defeat the purpose.
What happened to the glorious days in college when we just conformed to each other’s insanity, and went through the same craziness together? When I could look into a girlfriend’s eyes and say that maybe he is the one, or that you’ll meet someone else, and actually have some degree of hope? Or when boyfriends were a Monday – Thursday thing, and the weekends were about drinking with the girls and going out. I guess I long for the days when we were kind of on the same playing field, before our paths diverged on the boyfriend no-boyfriend path. I don’t even want to know what happens when babies are introduced. I can’t afford to lose anymore friends.
You Deluding You
Each of us is made up of some ratio of self-loathing and delusions of grandeur. When in the right balance, this combination helps us function as whole beings and actualize our potential. Our self-loathing propels us to do better, makes us reach out to others for approval and support, and humbles us. It gives us community and perspective. Our delusions of grandeur help us to get out of bed in the morning, tune others out, and persevere in the face of failure. I gives us confidence and purpose.
I have a number of personal examples of this ratio, but a tangible one is my body. I hate my thighs and how short my legs are. But I don’t know a single person in my life I would trade bodies with. Does that make me the hottest of my friends? No, but it certainly enables me to live in my own skin, and to get my big ass to the gym.
But what happens when the ratio gets out of whack? Too much confidence, and you lose drive and miss opportunities to learn from others. Oh, and you become a bitch. Too much self-loathing, and you let people walk all over you, and you never feel good enough to try anything.
Our sense of self fluctuates like the stock market, so you have to have a plan to develop a diversified portfolio of self-esteem. My advice:
- Buy confidence low. This means finding easy ways to feed your ego and boost your self-esteem, like buying new clothes, nurturing a harmless crush, taking up an easy hobby, talking to your mom. Whatever it is you do to make yourself feel better.
- Sell that confidence high. Use your ego boosts to do something that matters, like sell your boss on the idea you need a promotion, ask someone on a date, pursue a dream.
- Watch the fuck out for a crash. Surprises happen, and not always in a good way. Like getting laid off, or dumped, or rejected. But if you’ve got enough good things going on (the diversified part), you’ll be able to weather the bumps. Getting fired + supportive partner + casual hobby = you’ll be just fine. Unemployed + dumped + dog dies = just jump out the window.
I guess the point is that if you can’t name something you’d improve, or something you love in your life, then you’re missing out.
