WTF – Sarah Palin “Going Rogue”?!?!
Top aides in the McCain camp expressed frustration at what they perceived to be Sarah Palin “going rogue.” In recent appearances, Palin has been off-message, or freestyling, if you will.
So . . . what you’re telling me is that the person you picked for being “maverick-y” has now gone maverick, and you’re mad about it. Really?
Perhaps had Palin actually been vetted by the McCain campaign, they could have better anticipated that their witless VP pick was going to be primarily interested in her own success.
The best quote from the imploding campaign:
“Her lack of fundamental understanding of some key issues was dramatic,” said another McCain source with direct knowledge of the process to prepare Palin after she was picked. The source said it was probably the “hardest” to get her “up to speed than any candidate in history.”
Guilt by Association, or Why Conservatives are Stupid
I’ve heard many conservatives wonder why liberals assume they are stupid. The answer, to borrow a move from the Republican playbook, is guilt by association. The conservative base is comprised of the dumbest citizens of this fine nation (you know, the evangelicals). The fact that Republican candidates all pander to these fools, and hold up their yet-to-be defined “small town values” as being more “pro-American” really shows the depths to which the party has plummeted.
Perhaps there are conservative intellectuals out there, though I’m still not sure that’s not an oxymoron. (To be fair, I am newly in love Kathleen Parker and Christopher Buckley). I don’t know who they are because a) I am a liberal, and b) all the conservatives that get airtime are assbags. Limbaugh, O’Reilley, Couture, Hannity – these are the douchenozzles I associate with the mainstream right. These are not people that I would want to represent me in any way.(To be fair, I don’t exactly want to be affiliated with Keith Oberman either).
When I’m not in the grips of total rage or crippling fear, I actually pity conservatives. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a fiscal conservative, or a libertarian for that matter, and have to be lumped in with the Jesus freaks and hicks. In fact, if I were a fiscal conservative, I would demand that the leaders that are supposed to represent me stop using social issues to manipulate DUMB people, and actually create small government. But since that will never happen, I would keep my fucking mouth shut and vote McCain in silence, in deep fear that my smart friends will find out and think I’m retarded.
As a liberal, the craziest people I get lumped in with are tree huggers. Due to my proximity to Berkeley, I’ve seen these people crying over trees on TV, and they’re downright adorable compared to the racist assholes screaming at Palin rallies. I’ll take latte-sipping over lynching any day. So, to all those conservatives out there who wonder why liberals think you’re idiots (and if you’re wondering, you’re clearly not an evangelical), you’re simply guilty of being connected to the worst this country has to offer.
Hypocrisy Democracy?
One of the most loathsome groups in America are the social conservatives. I think they are sheep that should be brought to slaughter. Short of that, they should be rounded up and dropped off in some red state, where they could all live together in an M. Night Shyamalan-like 1800s society.
Among the many reasons I hate the social conservatives is their hypocrisy. The group of folks who say it’s unpatriotic to question your government’s actions in war are the same who think they have a right to say that women shouldn’t have a choice and that homosexuals shouldn’t marry. The same people who blindly believe that our government is spreading freedom and democracy abroad want to limit personal freedoms at home. The social conservatives care about protecting gun rights, but not freedom of speech.
I’m reminded of the scene from Religulous, when a young evangelical protester says with total sincerity, “I don’t hate gays. God hate gays.” For her, there is no contradiction in holding both the belief in an all-loving, all-forgiving God while also believing that God hates whole groups of people.
There is not room in 2008 America for people who are against the founding values of our country – liberty, freedom, and tolerance. It’s time to take back our country from those who are anti-choice, anti-gay marriage, anti-education, anti-science, anti-technology, and anti-intellectualism, and who support politicians that want to limit everyones’ rights.
It’s time for rational, intelligent people to wield their power.
Election Depression
If the APA doesn’t already have “election depression” listed as a psychological disorder, then 2008 may finally be the year for it to hit the books. I seriously have become increasingly more depressed and anxious over the course of the last 3-4 weeks, with symptoms including mood swings, bouts of crying, fits of anger, an inability to cope with basic difficulties, and a general sense of hopelessness. The cause: the presidential election.
So how does the election cause depression exactly? When I’m not contemplating homicide or suicide, this is what I conclude:
Sarah Palin. I get it; she was picked for the VP slot to energize the conservative base and polarize the electorate. It’s one of the few times “Mission Accomplished” would be appropriate from the Republicans. This woman makes me want to spoon out my ovaries and cut off my breasts. She is an embarrassment to women in leadership roles and she is an idiot. Which I guess makes her a great representative for social conservatives. The very thought that this twat could become president “without blinking” is horrifying on a visceral level. While morons everywhere are championing her, I know I am not the only one who is plagued by nightmares of what she is (in)capable of doing.
24-hour News Cycles. Seriously, this might be the worst thing that happened to us as a culture. Stephen Colbert said it best: “There’s the same amount [of news] from when it was just Cronkite. And the easiest way to fill it is to have someone’s opinion on it. Then you have an opposite opinion, and then you have a mishmash of fact and opinion, and you leave it the least informed you can possibly be.” The news offers very little in terms of substance and fact, and is instead bloated with bombastic sensationalism. And yet, I find myself addicted to it; like a crack-addict I check the headlines every fifteen minutes to read about the new smear tactic Sarah Palin is employing. My mom called me from work the other day to ask me what she was missing on the news, as if getting through an 8-hour shift of taking care of people was impossible without that fix.
Anti-intellectualism. We are a culture that worships mediocrity and stupidity. Our best litmus test for who we want to lead us is who we’d rather have a beer with. Not the leader who would be the most rational, pragmatic, and thoughtful leader, no. But the leader who talks to “me,” Joe-six-pack, or “me,” the hockey mom. The economic crisis and the election have illuminated the inadequacies of our leaders and the idiocy of the electorate. At a time when it feels like the world is falling apart, people are more interested in lipstick lines and who’s friends with who than what the candidates are proposing to do. Further, if you examine the causes of our current problems, question the current administration, or in any way suggest that there is room for improvement, then you are unpatriotic, or even possibly a terrorist. That sort of authoritarian thinking is more consistent with dictatorships and communist regimes. Democracies are designed so that the people can question government; it is unpatriotic to be an ignorant, complacent sheep.
And ultimately it is this failure of citizens to be informed, intelligent, curious, and demanding that is depressing; without freethinking and rationalism there is no hope for us, present or future. Even if Obama wins (praise be to Jesus!), about 49% of the population will still be moronic. And I’ll still be anxious about what our future holds.
The Republican’s Last Supper
Top republicans attend the Last Supper
Last Thursday, top republicans attended what will be the Last Supper before the November 4th elections. Holy spirits were high as the old regime passed the torch to presidential nominee John McCain and the party savior Sarah Palin (aka – succubus).
Attendees were served moose mousse to start, followed by a main course of roasted albatross and grilled polar bear. The hall was sparsely decorated, with only an ice sculpture of Jesus waving the American flag, carved from a piece of the Arctic ice shelf that broke off last week, way in advance of scientists’ worst predictions.
Sarah Palin opened the evening with prayer, asking God for the Rapture, death to black people, and more off-shore drilling, in no particular order of preference. In lieu of the ritualistic cleansing of the feet, the Republicans agreed instead to a “cleansing” of Palin’s record, absolving her of any wrongdoing and grossly exaggerating her qualifications.
The only awkward moment of the evening was when Rick “I hate gays” Santorum found that he was seated next to Larry “I blow dudes in bathrooms” Craig and Mark “NAMBLA” Foley. The tension was smoothed over, however, when all three men agreed that abortion is the worse of two evils, and then shared a good laugh over the inferiority of women.
During the meal, Palin had a revelation and announced to the group, “You will betray me.” The group of old, white men feigned horror at the announcement. However, after the meal, Guiliani said, “You know, I was really surprised that dumb broad figured out that we were using her. I mean, she’s a hockey mom from Alaska – not exactly the brightest person.”
During dessert, a candlelight vigil was held for 9/11. No, not the victims of 9/11, but the actual event. All attendees were silent as a slideshow of the planes hitting the towers was played over and over to the tune of “Barracuda.” The festivities closed with a toast, when the group clinked glasses of McCain’s blood, hoping to further drain McCain of any life so that Palin can be the next stupid president.
