Election Depression
If the APA doesn’t already have “election depression” listed as a psychological disorder, then 2008 may finally be the year for it to hit the books. I seriously have become increasingly more depressed and anxious over the course of the last 3-4 weeks, with symptoms including mood swings, bouts of crying, fits of anger, an inability to cope with basic difficulties, and a general sense of hopelessness. The cause: the presidential election.
So how does the election cause depression exactly? When I’m not contemplating homicide or suicide, this is what I conclude:
Sarah Palin. I get it; she was picked for the VP slot to energize the conservative base and polarize the electorate. It’s one of the few times “Mission Accomplished” would be appropriate from the Republicans. This woman makes me want to spoon out my ovaries and cut off my breasts. She is an embarrassment to women in leadership roles and she is an idiot. Which I guess makes her a great representative for social conservatives. The very thought that this twat could become president “without blinking” is horrifying on a visceral level. While morons everywhere are championing her, I know I am not the only one who is plagued by nightmares of what she is (in)capable of doing.
24-hour News Cycles. Seriously, this might be the worst thing that happened to us as a culture. Stephen Colbert said it best: “There’s the same amount [of news] from when it was just Cronkite. And the easiest way to fill it is to have someone’s opinion on it. Then you have an opposite opinion, and then you have a mishmash of fact and opinion, and you leave it the least informed you can possibly be.” The news offers very little in terms of substance and fact, and is instead bloated with bombastic sensationalism. And yet, I find myself addicted to it; like a crack-addict I check the headlines every fifteen minutes to read about the new smear tactic Sarah Palin is employing. My mom called me from work the other day to ask me what she was missing on the news, as if getting through an 8-hour shift of taking care of people was impossible without that fix.
Anti-intellectualism. We are a culture that worships mediocrity and stupidity. Our best litmus test for who we want to lead us is who we’d rather have a beer with. Not the leader who would be the most rational, pragmatic, and thoughtful leader, no. But the leader who talks to “me,” Joe-six-pack, or “me,” the hockey mom. The economic crisis and the election have illuminated the inadequacies of our leaders and the idiocy of the electorate. At a time when it feels like the world is falling apart, people are more interested in lipstick lines and who’s friends with who than what the candidates are proposing to do. Further, if you examine the causes of our current problems, question the current administration, or in any way suggest that there is room for improvement, then you are unpatriotic, or even possibly a terrorist. That sort of authoritarian thinking is more consistent with dictatorships and communist regimes. Democracies are designed so that the people can question government; it is unpatriotic to be an ignorant, complacent sheep.
And ultimately it is this failure of citizens to be informed, intelligent, curious, and demanding that is depressing; without freethinking and rationalism there is no hope for us, present or future. Even if Obama wins (praise be to Jesus!), about 49% of the population will still be moronic. And I’ll still be anxious about what our future holds.
For Shame
Dear Blog,
I am so ashamed. I watched American Idol 3 nights this week. It’s bad that I watch the show, but, you know, guilty pleasures. It’s worse that I started watching in the beginning of the season, when I tried to make a strict rule about not watching until they got down to the final 12, because who are they to take up 6 months of my life with this stupid crap? But I got sucked in. The worst part, though, and where the deep shame really comes from, is watching the results show. It’s total bullshit, just another hour to sell more Coke ads. But somehow I ended up watching it last night while waiting for LOST to come on. Like I need to watch an hour of crappy beat-boxing, losers crying, Ryan Seacrest trying to be suspenseful, and tear-infused singing. It’s embarrassing, but I’m addicted. I might actually have feelings for the contestants this season (other than wanting to have sex with the kid with dreads. That’s totally acceptable.). Ugh.
Act Individually
I like the phrase “Think Globally, Act Locally.” I’d like to coin a new one: “Think Collectively, Act Individually.” I’ve been thinking about this because I’ve had a bit of guilt around my lifestyle lately. I’m fortunate enough to work from home, and thus have had a lot of time for personal development. Over the past two years, i did a year of therapy, finished grad school, and have been running and practicing yoga. It’s great to be able to workout everyday, to be selective about what I eat during the day, to be able to write when I want (which, turns out, is not that often). I’ve been really happy and motivated most of the time. But, like all good anxious ex-Christians, I feel guilty about enjoying my life this way.
In the past, I have taken on more noble endeavors. I have been an inner-city high school teacher. I have worked in inner-city school districts. These careers did not bring me joy or satisfaction. In fact, I spent most of the time feeling like I could never be successful or fulfill my potential or have an impact in these environments. There was just too much chaos and widespread systematic failure to make change. Yet, these choices felt more honorable, less selfish.
My current path, conversely, is deeply satisfying personally and professionally. While in other work environments I spent most of my time working on looking productive and together and organized, working for myself forces me to face my own shortcomings and be accountable to myself and my potential. I no longer spend most of my time comparing myself to colleagues, and instead have to focus on my own skills and progress. I also have a lot of freedom to do things I want with my time. And while this choice may not be an benevolent as other career choices I’ve made, I feel less discouraged, depressed, and hopeless than I have before.
I don’t think my current lifestyle is having a direct positive impact on society, but I also find that my outlook and perspective hasn’t much changed. I still deeply believe in access to education and equality. I am happy to be in a higher tax bracket and pay more for services to others. At the core, I believe in social responsibility and am happy to share any kind of wealth, monetary or otherwise, with others. I just don’t want to directly provide services any longer. And I’m starting to see that there are benefits to me developing personally.
I’m trying to be ok with working on myself for awhile. Maybe forever. So I’m going to act for myself to actualize my potential and achieve my goals, but always think of others and give what I can and make choices that have the least negative impact on the world. Right now, that seems like the most responsible thing to do.
Go Ahead – Google Yourself
As I venture to start an online business with my husband, I am becoming more aware of, and concerned about, my identity online. I started thinking about this because I have another blog with a photographer friend of mine with my name all over it. I just wrote a silly list of my funniest mistakes in my sex life, which I think would be perfect for the blog, except that I don’t really want someone doing a Google search on my name to come across a post on how cute my clit is. Published writers can talk about their clits and get away with it. The rest of us are just sluts with day jobs. So it’s time to consider my virtual persona.
The first step is to fix any potential negative representations floating in cyberspace. For example, my drunk photos on MySpace are not exactly good pre-interview material. And I guess I shouldn’t add the cute photocopy guy from work to my LinkedIn profile. While adorable, he might not be the best person to get a cold call from a hiring manager. It’s time for some housecleaning of my social networking and blog profiles.
The next step is to craft a public personality for all to see. One blogger uses the same photo for all her profiles to create consistency and to enable her readers to identify her in different spaces. Note to self: contact photographer friend before taking this step. There are a number of good suggestions available, so I’m going to be experimenting over the coming months.
All this seems to be a lot of work when I’d rather be totally anonymous or truly authentic, but it’s hard to hide from Google. It’s just better to put on a good face.
