The Republican’s Last Supper

Posted on September 23, 2008


Top republicans at Leonardo Da Vincis Last Supper

Top republicans attend the Last Supper

Last Thursday, top republicans attended what will be the Last Supper before the November 4th elections. Holy spirits were high as the old regime passed the torch to presidential nominee John McCain and the party savior Sarah Palin (aka – succubus).

Attendees were served moose mousse to start, followed by a main course of roasted albatross and grilled polar bear. The hall was sparsely decorated, with only an ice sculpture of Jesus waving the American flag, carved from a piece of the Arctic ice shelf that broke off last week, way in advance of scientists’ worst predictions.

Sarah Palin opened the evening with prayer, asking God for the Rapture, death to black people, and more off-shore drilling, in no particular order of preference. In lieu of the ritualistic cleansing of the feet, the Republicans agreed instead to a “cleansing” of Palin’s record, absolving her of any wrongdoing and grossly exaggerating her qualifications.

The only awkward moment of the evening was when Rick “I hate gays” Santorum found that he was seated next to Larry “I blow dudes in bathrooms” Craig and Mark “NAMBLA” Foley. The tension was smoothed over, however, when all three men agreed that abortion is the worse of two evils, and then shared a good laugh over the inferiority of women.

During the meal, Palin had a revelation and announced to the group, “You will betray me.” The group of old, white men feigned horror at the announcement. However, after the meal, Guiliani said, “You know, I was really surprised that dumb broad figured out that we were using her. I mean, she’s a hockey mom from Alaska – not exactly the brightest person.”

During dessert, a candlelight vigil was held for 9/11. No, not the victims of 9/11, but the actual event. All attendees were silent as a slideshow of the planes hitting the towers was played over and over to the tune of “Barracuda.” The festivities closed with a toast, when the group clinked glasses of McCain’s blood, hoping to further drain McCain of any life so that Palin can be the next stupid president.